Q & A Time

My first lesson was my self-introduction. And my first self-introductions were boring and difficult to understand. I continue to introduce myself to students who have entered JHS for the first time or to elementary school students who I have just started teaching year after year. I still haven't figured out a way to make my boring self appear interesting, but I can confidently say that it is much easier to understand to an audience of students who have just begun learning English. Although my self-introduction isn't anything too interesting and it doesn't help that I have to keep talking about myself every year, I still look forward to the questions my curious students ask this foreigner standing in front of them.

-Do you have a boyfriend?
If you are an ALT, you will have probably been asked this question a million times... They always ask this... JHS students always want to know.

-How old are you?

-Are you really foreign?

-Are you half-Japanese?

-What is your dog's name?

-Do you like Japan?

-What's your blood-type?

And it gets more interesting as the students get younger...

-What is your favorite number?

-Are you married?

-When's your birthday?

-What is your favorite ghost?

-Out of all the American people in the world, who do you want to have as your pet?

-What's your favorite country?

...amongst many others I can't remember at the moment...

all that will be left

A large part of my life in Japan was spent traveling. Traveling is probably the best part of my experience here. Being able to see new things and places, bonding with friends, making memories, trying different kinds of dishes, etc. Not only that but I think I've gained some new skills and interests as well. I learned how to pack lightly (though I didn't use this skill when Bori unni came to visit over spring vacation). I learned how to plan trips. It was hard at first. I often just followed my friends around. And I began to really enjoy taking pictures. I loved looking back at photos -- they really did speak a million words! I could see myself, my friends (even though my friends and I weren't in the photo), the location visited, food eaten, and even hear conversations spoken in one photo.

On my very first trip outside of Fukushima-Ken about two and a half years ago from today, I took my first trip to Osaka, Kyoto and Himeji with Sheenae, Amber and Steve. I was so excited. I wasn't very happy about how expensive a round-trip shinkansen ticket to Osaka (or even anywhere) was, but was very much looking forward to seeing my friends and actually doing the things that I said I would do before coming here. It was a long and fast ride (Osaka is far away and the shinkansen is FAST). I had eki-bento (which became one of my favorite things to do on a bullet train), wrote in my travel journal (which still has a lot of room for me to write in), and listened to my ipod (now broken).

I hopped off the shinkansen, met up with Sheenae and Amber and the excitement just multiplied. Our first meal was okonomiyaki, an Osaka specialty. And after seeing the castle, I was introduced to Steve, Sheenae's friend, and we tricked him into believing that Amber was Korean (she's Chinese). We went to the major tourist spots in Osaka, Himeji to see the castle there and Kokoen (a beautiful Japanese garden that I want to visit again) the next day, and to Kyoto the day after that to get a quick taste of what Kyoto was like (I went back after that, one day isn't enough). One of the best parts of this trip for me was probably the worst for poor Steve. The three of us, especially Amber and I couldn't stop bothering him. It was great fun. We saw a lot, ate a lot, talked a lot, and took tons of pictures. At the end of this trip, I bought a camera at the Yodobashi there. It is really small and compact and I got it for pretty cheap because it was on sale. My old camera was really old. My cell phone now takes better pictures than that.

I began to continue to take pictures with my new camera, and I really enjoyed it. Me not being good with.... machines?...., it took my a while to learn how to use some of the functions on it. But thanks to the help of some friends and time, I eventually began to make good use that camera. Wherever I went, I wanted to take nice shots. Some came out nice, many didn't. But the most important thing is: that camera recorded two and a half years of memories for me. And now, I have a new one. After a long long time of debating whether or not I should get it in my head... I finally did. Instead of going anywhere for Golden Week, I spent it taking pictures of my town. I am going to leave it in two and a half months, so I should spend a lot of time here... and I should take more pictures to look back on. Because all that will be left are photos. I am still very clumsy with it. It is a lot more advanced than my old one, but I'm having lots of fun.

2 hands

Ever since I was little, my grandmother (who raised me) taught me to receive and give gifts with two hands. On top of distributing our spoons and chopsticks at our dinner table from the oldest person down to the youngest person, I was to place our bowls of rice in front of my elders and guests with two hands.

At church, our Sunday school teachers taught us to place our weekly offerings into the baskets with two hands.

As I grew older, I began to do to the things my grandmother had taught me less and less. I no longer place my coat and bag down in that one place when I come back home. I don't always wash my hands as soon as I come home (which is probably why I am always sick these days. Like now. I took another day off from work. ugh.). I don't always neatly make my bed before heading out the door each morning. I don't even distinguish between clothes worn out and at home anymore (I wear track suits to work. I play with kids every day :D).

But as I was walking down the corridor of Motomiya Elementary School on Wednesday, I was reminded of the various 2 hands rules I followed as a child. There are a group of adorable 2nd graders who come play with my during lunch break. And when little Remon-chan and Sawa-chan ran into me on their way to PE class, they greeted me with big sweet smiles and held my hands with their two little hands.

So sweet.

Tiptoeing Away From Owada-Sensei...

After lunch time, we get about an hour for our lunch break. I like to use this time to bond with some of my students. Sometimes, I go outside and play volley ball, but it's too cold for that these days. So, I walk into random classrooms and play cards or talk to students. These days I try to spend more time with the sannensei (third year) students because they are graduating soon.

I am bad... I have my favorites... Class 3-5 and 3-2 are just too adorable. I have my favorite students in those classes. But I tried to be good one day, and walked into class 3-1. (I love them, too :P) The students were seated very quietly in their seats, and they were all studying. They weren't all seated facing front, but this was a very different kind of yasumi (break) that I was seeing. And then I saw Owada-sensei, the homeroom teacher sitting at his desk! (gasp) He is the PE teacher and he is also in charge of student discipline at Ichu. Everyone is scared of him, including me.

After I saw him in the middle of trying to engage in conversation with some students. I suddenly got scared, and whispered, "Sensei is here..." The students responded, "Hai...(yes)". And then I smiled an awkward smile and tiptoed out of class... Smiling and tiptoeing... Owada-sensei stared at me doing this.... tiptoeing out of his classroom...

And now, he has a sad face when I see him sometimes. He no longer says. "Ohayo---" and "Otsukare----" in his tough/scary Japanese ways... He seems sadder and... gentler(?!)...

Sumimasendeshita... Mata asobini ikimasune...

一年目- school life

I began my job teaching at two junior high schools. Motomiya First Junior High School (Ichu), which has about 500 students and Motomiya Second Junior High School (Nichu) which as about half the amount at Ichu. Because of size and location, the students at Nichu are much more country -- very shy and warm-hearted. The students of Ichu are also shy and warm-hearted, but they can be a little louder, or 'wild' as Sato-sensei would often describe his students. My working situation later changed, this contracting-year when Ichu became my base school, and I'd have 2 elementary schools to visit each month. And Ms. Gemma was given the other half of my job. A Canadian woman who is a lot of fun to be with. :)

I began my first year with a lot of uncertainty, and as a clumsy ALT (Assistant Language Teacher). After about 3 weeks of English Speech Contest training, school began. This would be the 2nd trimester for students in Japan. I read and re-read the letters left to me by my predecessor over and over again. I was so nervous. Will they like me? Will I like them? Will they all be as sweet and kind as Yaoita Shoko? I nervously and quietly spoke my self-introductions to the staff room at both of my schools.

Hajimemashite.
Watashi wa Danieru Kimu desu.
Amerika no Nyu-Yoku kara kimashita.
Dozo yoroshikuonegaishimasu.

Then, I began my self-introduction in each classroom. None of the students knew what I was saying. I didn't know how to speak to junior high school students learning English as a foreign language. I didn't really know how to speak to junior high school students at all, actually. But most of them didn't seem to mind, or at least made it seem that way. They would all ask me similar questions -- "do you have a boyfriend?" "how old are you?" "what are your hobbies?" "what are your dogs' names?" I went through this 26 times. Every time I had to talk about myself, I was just reminded of how boring I was. And I was beginning to learn how challenging it is to teach.

My teachers all encouraged me (and sometimes pressured me) to engage with the students by talking to them a lot and playing sports with them. I had to do two things I was always bad at -- being the first to start a conversation and playing sports! Oh dear, I was in trouble... but I tried, my students had a wonderful ALT before me, who was outgoing and fun. I didn't want to disappoint them.

And so this is how I went through my days at school in Japan in my first year. Unable to explain a worksheet or a game in English without a Japanese teacher translating for me. Unable to start interesting conversation with students (I was lucky, many talked to me first. :P). Unable to play sports well (I still played... =T).

My days here began amongst green rice fields and very hot and very very humid weather. Then, these green rice paddies would soon turn dry and brown, signifying the autumn season -- reminding us that winter was on its way. In the spring, these fields would be covered with water, looking like ponds, with tiny stalks of rice plants planted to turn tall and green in the summer like it was when I first got here. Spring was my favorite time.

”。。。まゆ髪をちゃんと上げてください。”

”皆さんの顔は可愛くなくて、怖いです。まゆ髪をちゃんと上げてください。”　－斉藤のり子先生 ("Your faces look scary, so please lift up your eyebrows." -Saito Noriko-sensei)

is what our perfectionist music teacher told the soon-to-be graduates of Motomiya Second Junior High School three years ago. They were practicing a song to be sung to the remaining students and parents. But I suppose, perhaps due to the cold temperature, their faces didn't look happy. And being the perfectionist and hard-worker that Noriko-sensei is, she told the students to lift up their eyebrows. I was only watching from the side, so I couldn't see the changes. But it must have helped, because she seemed to be pleased at the end of practice.

I have been told that I have a scary face many many times. I do not mean to scare people. I do get angry, but I'm usually not. I don't know what I look like because I don't have a mirror hanging over my face 24/7. But I wonder what Goto-sensei and Owada-sensei think of me.

Goto-sensei and Owada-sensei are the two scariest teachers at my JHS. I, a co-worker of theirs not a student am scared of them. They sit right in front of me and I stare at them all day. I wonder how they could be so scary. Do they practice? You can feel the tension in the room build up when they are angry. And I always stare.

Sometimes they glance back at me. But they return to their business. I wonder if my 'scary face' makes them think that I am mad at them for yelling at our cute students. Maybe I should lift up my eyebrows, too. Lilly and Vincent suggested keeping my mouth open. Maybe I should do both. But what if these things make me look even angrier?

Goto-sensei and Owada-sensei, I'm sorry for staring. I know you do what you do because you only want the best for your students. I just can't help it... You guys are scary...

一年目

ichinenme - my first year

I applied to JET as a very tired senior at Smith College. Year after year, I'd look for summer internships in panic as I tried to keep up with school work. I would go to the Career Development Center many times a year to look for jobs and get guidance. I was so worried about my future, that I often couldn't enjoy 'the present'. Then senior year came, and I had very little to do to fulfill my major requirements. So, I took courses that seemed like fun. Two of them were foreign language courses -- Italian and Japanese. I was crazy to think this would be fun. It made me busy, but I still loved learning them. I think these two languages must be one of the most beautiful languages in the world. My interest in Japanese grew, thanks to great teachers. And JET seemed like a fun think to do. 'Fun' was a new thing to be considering for me. I spoke with career counselors and professors and came to the conclusion that I'd like to try it.

I applied, interviewed and got wait-listed. After waiting for about a month after graduating, I got an email saying I was accepted. I was excited. I would be going to Japan, and I'd be able to hear, speak and learn this beautiful language and I'd be able to do something I didn't have many chances to do -- travel. I thought I'd be put in one of my top three choices of location -- Tokyo, Yokohama or Chiba -- all in or near Tokyo. I was excited about being in the cool city of Tokyo, able to see and use all the cool little inventions that you'd only find in Japan.

I later found out that I was placed in Fukushima -- a four hour bus ride or a 1.5 hour bullet train ride away from Tokyo. I became nervous. Looking at pictures and reading the emails sent to me by my predecessor, all I could see were green rice paddies. Growing up in NYC and having spent my high school days in the suburbs of NY, I wondered how I'd get by in Fukushima, in the little town of Motomiya that I'd be sent to. A year suddenly seemed like such a long time and Japan started to feel like an even more foreign place to me. But I still decided to go.

Before coming to Japan, I met three friends at the NY orientation for JETs. These three girls were also wait-listed like me, also Asian-American and also placed in the countrysides of Japan. Although we were all sent off to 3 different islands -- me in Honshu, Amber in Shikoku, and Sheenae and Lily in Kyushu, we still had so much fun in Tokyo during orientation. We experienced our first konbini and kaiten zushi together. We bonded over various things and were finally sent off to each of our respective placements, only able to see each other while traveling or communicate to each other by phone or email.

We Fukushima JETs were sent here by bus. I complained to myself and to my roommate Sandhya, "Why can't we take a shinkansen? It's so much faster!" I began to see more and more rice paddies as we drew closer and closer to Fukushima. Then we were to meet our respective supervisors and do our very first (of MANY) self-introductions in Japanese. I came worried and timid and with a very bad cough (summer cold). On this day, I met Itagaki-san and Ito-sensei -- two people who would end up being a very big part of my life here.

Itagaki was a warm-hearted and funny woman. She was always worried about how young I was. She always asked if I was OK or if I was homesick. She worked so hard to speak to me in English. She was also the first and only person for a while who could make me laugh. I am now without her because she is on maternity leave, but I'm so glad I had her for half a year. Then there was Saito-bucho, a man who always asked if I was having all three meals a day. My Board of Education was very tiny but overflowing with some of the most warm-hearted people I'd ever met.

On my second day, I was to start English speech contest practice. Only for a little bit. I was told to walk to school alone. It's only a seven minute walk to my school, but it seemed like it was miles and miles away. It looked like I had to walk by miles and miles of green rice paddies to get there. I asked Ito-sensei, "How do I get there?" He answered, "It's less than 10 minutes. You can see the school from your balcony." I wondered if he was right.

I walked by a few (not that many) rice fields, and reached Motomiya First Junior High School. My first student was Yaoita Shoko. She was a friendly 9th grader (sannensei). She had big friendly eyes and a big friendly smile. We were barely able to communicate with one another. But through our broken English and broken Japanese, we were able to build a teacher-student friendship through our shy smiles. After teaching her on that day, I began to look forward to all the other friendly smiles I'd soon get to meet each day as I walked by these rice paddies that would change each season.

月曜日の寝るせ Monday Bedhead

Before going to bed last night, I set my alarm for 6 am. I was determined to start out the week right -- get up early, check my email, go through the news, have breakfast, morning coffee, make-up, and get to my desk at 7:55 -- 5 minutes earlier than I'm supposed to be there. But nope, after snoozing over and over again for about 45 minutes, I finally turn on my heaters and re-set my alarm for 7 am. I then, snooze a few more times, until I realize that it's 7:40, and I need to get ready and be at work in 20 minutes! I somehow put myself together and run out the door, and get to work at 8:05 -- 5 minutes AFTER I'm supposed to be there! sigh... being late in Japan is BADDDDD... but the vice principal is used to my usual tardiness in the winter. I'm sorry Kyoto-sensei... when spring comes, I'll make up for all my late days by coming in early!!

As I walked past the beautifully snow-capped Mt. Adatara, right behind my school amongst rice fields and Japanese-style houses, I notice that my hair is kinda strange when I finally reach my school and see my reflection against the sliding glass doors by the teacher's entrance. I must have slept funny last night... my hair was sticking out on both sides!! Both left and right -- a little more on my left side, but both equally messy and embarrassing!! I sign in, say good morning to everyone, apologize to kyoto-sensei, and wet my hair, hoping that would fix my hair. But nope, my coarse hair was even more stubborn today, so I had to tie back my short short hair with a leftover rubberband that held my chopsticks in place when I last ordered bento when we didn't have kyushoku (school lunch). I was a mess today...

할머니

할머니 - grandma

My grandmother passed away on January 7, 2009. She was a mother to two daughters and three sons -- one of them being my father. After my grandfather's death, she suffered from various heart problems and then Alzheimer's. We all, including her doctors thought her Alzheimer's was genetic. But we later found out after her death, that there was a blood clot somewhere, preventing blood from properly flowing throughout her body, especially to her brain. But there was nothing any of us could do at that point. We had all found out too late.

About two years after she began to suffer from Alzheimer's, she began to lose her ability to recognize people, including me and my brother. She was able to recognize some of my older cousins, and her own children but not me or my brother. Starting from then, my conversations with her became very short -- "Have you had dinner yet?" "Did you watch TV today?". I just checked to see that she was OK. And then, I became a college student, only visiting home on vacations if I didn't have plans to go away and then I traveled far away to Japan on JET.

After my mom woke me up at night to tell me the sad news that she passed away, tears wouldn't stop rolling down my face at the sad fact that I had just lost a family member. Then I began to remember how much I used to love listening to her stories. She was always good at telling stories and describing things. As a little girl, I'd often visit her home in Flushing and sleepover. She would always cook the dishes I loved to eat, and buy me all the treats that I wanted. She always spoiled me. But that night, I realized that I couldn't remember any of the stories she told me. All I could recall was: a tiger that could speak, an old man with a large 'hohk' that gave him the ability to sing (large piece of skin hanging off the bottom of his face... don't know if it actually exists in real life, or if there's an English word for it), and a poor 'namukun' (a man who works in the forest). I don't even remember if these characters were part of the same story or not.

I wonder if she would've remembered these stories even with her disease. These were stories she would repeat to me 5-10 times a day if I wanted her to. Even though she couldn't remember who I was, she may have remembered these stories. I should've asked.

My heart broke as I had to watch her be buried, where I wouldn't be reunited with her until my time came. And it hurt even more as I watched my father say good-bye to his mother, as he tried to hold back his tears in front of all of us. But now she is with our Father in heaven, where she is no longer sick -- no diseases or heartaches there. She can now do all the work He had waiting for her as she sings all the hymns she loved to sing and as He takes care of her in His warm arms.

三年は長くない。。。

三年は長くない - three years is not a long time

Year after year in February, we JETs have to decide whether or not we want to recontract for another year or not. Year after year, my initial answer has always been "I am going home after this year". But my indecisive nature always has me wondering "Do I really want to go back after this year?", "What am I gonna do after JET?", "What are the costs and benefits of staying another year?", "What is the opportunity cost of staying another year -- am I going to earn something greater in income and more rewarding than this job?", "Did I travel to all the places I've always wanted to go to while here?", "Is my Japanese good enough?", all of this times a million. And I actually try to answer these questions too... I drive myself crazy...

And so, I've confused my supervisors and teachers year after year by changing my mind to stay two times in a row. But this year, I decided to stick to my usual "I'm going home after this year" decision. I feel a bit crazy for wanting to go home. My job has gotten so much better starting this contracting year. I only have one junior high school to go to, instead of two. I get to visit elementary schools, which make me super happy. I am surrounded by great friends. And all that awaits me when I return home in this economy is unemployment. But I am done. I don't have a list of reasons, but I am sure of this.

Japan has been so good to me. I've been through all the hardships I needed to stay close to God and develop into a stronger person. I've met so many friends who have been so good to me, and most of these friends are somewhere between 8 and 14 years old. I am dreading the good-bye that I will have to say in July, but I am enjoying now. Thankfully I've practiced good-byes many times year after year when I have to say good-bye to my graduating third year students, the teachers who are asked to rotate to a different school in March, and to friends who decide to leave in July year after year. After I say good-bye to the third years this March, I think I'll be ready. I started my job in junior high school only 4 months after they started junior high school. After they graduate jhs in March, it'll be my turn to graduate Motomiya Daicchugakko in July.